December 06, 2021, 03:23:48 am

The Gang Garrison 2 Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

NOTICE: Due to a rise in bot activity, new posters need to be approved before posting.

Join the community Discord server!

Pages: [1]

Author Topic: share short stories  (Read 1438 times)

Swearwords

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Karma: 14
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 219
share short stories
« on: April 13, 2018, 05:40:55 pm »

so recently i have been trying to improve my writing abilities.
i think have made really good progress from where i was a year ago with no clue about writing structure. i was just freehanding it and it ended up awful.
i finally figured out that to write, you need a foundation. a format to writing where you have an introduction, build up to climax, climax, build down to conclusion, and conclude the story with a piece of text relating you back to the introduction. i've also started using details more often rather than making everything simple and short to spice up my writing. they're like little flowers that decorate the foundation building and make it prettier. it gives you a bigger sense of the environment and immerses your reader into your story as if they are seeing it through the character's eyes.

i'm open to criticism so please feel free to pound me. i'll be sure to take them into account the next time i put pencil to paper.

also when submitting your short stories, make sure to use spoiler tags. it makes it easier to see the next post and also doesn't make it a living pain to scroll.

i have two to present. they're pretty short and i hope you enjoy them.

8:36 am
(click to show/hide)

Childhood fiend
(click to show/hide)

submit your own as well :)
« Last Edit: April 13, 2018, 05:45:08 pm by Swearwords »
Logged
as long as you do it, whether badly or moderately,  remember that you'll always be better than you are before. if there's something you're interested in, leap for it. there's a chance in it and you'll be better than you are before just from trying it out.

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS HOW YOU DRIVE YOURSELF TO SUCCESS. without it, it's like a car without fuel.

look through life from your own lens, not someone else's.

Swearwords

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Karma: 14
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 219
Re: share short stories
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2018, 04:19:05 pm »

Some school field trip story

(click to show/hide)
Logged
as long as you do it, whether badly or moderately,  remember that you'll always be better than you are before. if there's something you're interested in, leap for it. there's a chance in it and you'll be better than you are before just from trying it out.

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS HOW YOU DRIVE YOURSELF TO SUCCESS. without it, it's like a car without fuel.

look through life from your own lens, not someone else's.

bullets (obviously)

  • Seasoned Member
  • *****
  • Karma: 40
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1962
Re: share short stories
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2018, 12:18:29 am »

Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles
Logged

Kansiwiz

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • Karma: 9
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 64
  • It's m3me btw
Re: share short stories
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2018, 09:31:34 am »

Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles
D:
Logged
we're all a little hard - mang0, 2008

Phantom Brave

  • All Hail Classicwell
  • Designer
  • *****
  • Karma: 70
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 12701
  • Another one --
Re: share short stories
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2018, 05:30:07 pm »

bullets this is gc not rc
Logged

http://steamcommunity.com/id/wareya/
ladies and gentlemen i would like to announce that the fact of the matter is up that the fact of the matter is a fact and it matters

2Wheeze

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Karma: 20
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 303
  • that machine can kiss my ass
Re: share short stories
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2018, 06:26:28 pm »

4 hours to delaware and I could still feel the sand in my teeth. Curiously as the sun held high, pinned by the All Mighty in his infinite wisdom, I noticed the shadows wave at me. Perhaps for a second.
As crimson as I was I had no interest in changing. I had entered this deal in this suit and I planned on finishing it in this suit. It's always a desert isn't it? Always a goddamn desert. Do you suppose that's hollywood reflecting life or the other way around?
It was in the passenger's seat, as comfortable and inconspicuous as I could make it. I hope it didn't mind Berry White.
« Last Edit: April 19, 2018, 03:40:56 pm by light 7 »
Logged

free crzy

  • Heroic Member
  • ****
  • Karma: 44
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 774
  • #FREEBOBBY2K20
    • drain gang track you down like a bloodhound
Re: share short stories
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2018, 09:15:54 pm »

bullets this is gc not rc
why dr random name torrin???

bustatunez

  • Seasoned Member
  • *****
  • Karma: 26
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1279
  • just a busta
Re: share short stories
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2018, 02:21:24 pm »

i finally figured out that to write, you need a foundation. a format to writing where you have an introduction, build up to climax, climax, build down to conclusion, and conclude the story with a piece of text relating you back to the introduction. i've also started using details more often rather than making everything simple and short to spice up my writing. they're like little flowers that decorate the foundation building and make it prettier. it gives you a bigger sense of the environment and immerses your reader into your story as if they are seeing it through the character's eyes.

It's great that you're finding your footing as a writer. That's quite honestly the toughest part, that beginning where you feel like you're flailing somewhat and trying to find what works best for you. And it's always an ongoing process, too--keep up your practice, keep reading a lot, and you'll continue to sharpen your style. And also try not to get discouraged, which can be hard, but as long as you work through any issues and work toward creating/finding solutions to any barriers, you'll continue building that balance up in your writing.

Details are great, yeah. One issue I actually had with some of my old stories was making things *too* detailed lol, so when I dialed it down, people told me my stuff turned out to be stronger. I was sorta sad, since I'd been building my style in the direction toward more detail, but I realized that they were right. That's not always the case, though--sometimes loads of detail just work for a certain writer, and vice-versa for a stripped down style. Sometimes I just wanna keep everything and not edit out some lines I think will be great :[

Quote
i'm open to criticism so please feel free to pound me. i'll be sure to take them into account the next time i put pencil to paper.

Ey, so aside from just some typos that I spotted, and a couple places that could use a comma, I would say this: try to cut the size of your sentences down. Seems like you're trying to fit too much into them, so you can snip stuff out to achieve a nicer-sounding flow. For instance:

"I threw the empty glass safely and skillfully into the sink with enough power where it wouldn't break in its landing but would make it."

This can potentially be altered to something more like: "I tossed the emptied glass skillfully into the sink with just enough power to keep it intact."

I think the use of "safely" is redundant, since us readers can gather by the end of the sentence that it's safe and sound. And I think "intact" is a more succinct substitute instead of laying out a longer explanation. So yeah, somethin' like that. It's kind of nitpicky, but improving on making your individual sentences more effective/concentrated is a good skill to have. Also, I'd cut out most of your exclamation marks too. I actually used to use them a lot, but it can get overwhelming after a while. Just saying "CRAP" without the exclamation mark already conveys loudness. You can also use italics for emphasis. "Like this," Busta said.

Additionally, I think the "like a goalie leaping after a potential goal shot" is unneeded--it kind of takes us out of the image of the dog lunging to focus on goalie imagery instead. Similes are good, but sometimes you gotta know when to cut the imagery to keep the action flowing. The goalie image isn't very predatory, either--I would associate it more with protection than danger.

That said, I liked the progression of your micro stories, and the sudden twists they took at the end. I think your 2nd was paced better, although maybe you were going for a more energetic, looser tone with the first? I kinda liked the first narrator more lol. Are you working on any longer stuff?

So yea, that's my short critique :P Keep it up, man.

Also, noice micro fic there, 2D :c1: and very very nice one, boorets :^)

Gonna try posting a short thing of my own later on (also oh whoops, I didn't read your 3rd story, swear)
« Last Edit: May 10, 2018, 02:54:26 pm by bustatunez »
Logged

Swearwords

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Karma: 14
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 219
Re: share short stories
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2018, 06:54:18 pm »

a frequent problem in my writing is "removing unimportant things" and repeating things that are obvious. i've been trying to fix that of late. expect a story on this thread very soon. i like every line i write but describing some trees at a character's house is unnecessary. only say the things you have to say.
Logged
as long as you do it, whether badly or moderately,  remember that you'll always be better than you are before. if there's something you're interested in, leap for it. there's a chance in it and you'll be better than you are before just from trying it out.

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS HOW YOU DRIVE YOURSELF TO SUCCESS. without it, it's like a car without fuel.

look through life from your own lens, not someone else's.

Swearwords

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Karma: 14
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 219
Re: share short stories
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2018, 02:34:08 am »

i feel like my writing has really improved from the last time but my english teacher seems to disagree

(click to show/hide)

context: some set up for a fantasy horror sol im writing. i settle on harem lol
« Last Edit: December 21, 2018, 02:38:34 am by Swearwords »
Logged
as long as you do it, whether badly or moderately,  remember that you'll always be better than you are before. if there's something you're interested in, leap for it. there's a chance in it and you'll be better than you are before just from trying it out.

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS HOW YOU DRIVE YOURSELF TO SUCCESS. without it, it's like a car without fuel.

look through life from your own lens, not someone else's.

free crzy

  • Heroic Member
  • ****
  • Karma: 44
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 774
  • #FREEBOBBY2K20
    • drain gang track you down like a bloodhound
Re: share short stories
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2018, 03:21:51 am »

Kick Man

  • New Member
  • *
  • Karma: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3
Re: share short stories
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2019, 12:02:45 am »

Yo, someone give me a word. :hehe: :hehe:
Logged
Pages: [1]
 

Page created in 0.048 seconds with 35 queries.