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Author Topic: [Fanfic] - [b-tunez] - [Risk Today, Live Tomorrow?]  (Read 1535 times)


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[Fanfic] - [b-tunez] - [Risk Today, Live Tomorrow?]
« on: September 09, 2014, 09:34:12 pm »

I had meant to submit this much earlier, but here is my fanfic for the Haxxies! I hope you guys enjoy it!


The tale of Alistaire, an adept but reluctant bounty huntin'
rifleman whose old habits may just literally die hard.
When the going gets tough, will that noggin of his get going?

(Second half written with solely the 1st section of the cp_dustbowl map in mind.
And yes, everyone on RED has been given a name!)


" that, men, is how we shall secure victory! Now, questions? Speak now or suffer the consequences!"

Alistaire Grundy had tuned in and out of Sgt. Bronson's gravelly speech, his mind racing when he thought of the war that would ensue. It was almost laughable that a timid man such as Alistaire had chosen freelance killing as his profession, and even after three years he still wasn't used to it. But now, everything hung in a delicate balance. The great East Coast Drought of late was to blame, and the money Alistaire relied on so heavily became scarce due to clients' cash spent on nothing but water imports.

"The Respectable Elucidation Division," an anon messenger told Alistaire that morning over the phone, "would like to personally beseech your aid in restoring this area back to its former glory. Currently, Bolstered Locks Unlimited owns a massive reserve of H20 and have made their unwillingness to share crystal clear, pardon the pun. War is what they speak, and war they shall get! Our roster is nearly complete, with only one person missing... YOU! You, Alistaire, who has a reputation as the best ranged support in the business, and in the upcoming battle on BLU's 'Dustbowl' garrison you'll definitely--"

"Hold it. I never agreed to fight. And how did you get this number?"

A haughty chuckle from the messenger without skipping a beat. "Decline if you wish, sir, but know that Fredmann Co. has promised us a wealth of treasure and top secret technology they've been working on, and a permanent spot at the top of their funding list. The funding list, can you imagine?! Oh, and some of BLU's water. You can't have enough water these days. So, why say no? Things can't get any better... what's to lose?"

Such a tempting offer. If RED succeeded, they'd be stinkin' rich and hailed as heroes! If not, well... the bad ending was far from pleasant.

"...Alistaire? Are you still on the line?"

It was too hot to think straight. After a solid minute of silence, Alistaire's response had come, if only to silence the man.

"...Oh fine, I'll come..." he had conceded. "But promises, I can't make."

Willing the flashback away, the rifleman came back to reality. Regardless of his growing yellow stripe, here he was in one of RED's hidden warehouses, seated and listening (not really) to their veteran rocketman convey the war strategy.

"Al, you'd better not be chickening out!" It was Lorenz, Alistaire's partner-in-crime and best friend. When not making a swift getaway with enemy briefcases, the two could always be seen buying drinks at the local tavern and singing the blues.

Alistaire sighed heavily, doing his best to calmly meet the German's scrutinizing gaze. "Lorenz," he began carefully. "I...  well, I was just thinking that... I mean, what if we--!"


Something had flown into Alistaire's face, sticking to it and sealing his lips together. Peeling it off, the rifleman became aware of the delectable scent of meat, and also of Lorenz's laughter.

"Manvich make you strong!" bellowed RED's overweight, Marcus, who had been dishing out his supply of thick manviches to the gang. "Eat up, friends! Big day tomorrow!"

"Do not worry, Alistaire," assured Lorenz, still tittering. "United like this, we are a force to be reckoned with. We shall pummel BLU to a pulp."

Alistaire slackened, nodding in agreement. Lorenz had always been a wise, sensible fellow, and the rifleman knew his healer buddy spoke the truth. Hopefully.

"Ow! Watch it, Marcus!"

Sharing in his friend's mirth, Alistaire continued to watch as Marcus threw more of his manviches. While not delivered in the most, *ahem*... respectable manner, everyone knew that the overweight meant well, and they all chowed down right along with the jovial man. One thing Alistaire had always been in awe of was an overweight's limitless supply of manviches. Where did they even keep so many?! But just as he opened his mouth to ask, Alistaire's acute hearing picked up someone hopping over the rusty crates at the other end of the warehouse. Someone he couldn't see.

"Careful, everyone," he announced, aiming with his sniper rifle as he stood. "We've an infiltrator on our hands!"

Lo and behold, as soon as the words left Alistaire's mouth a slim, revolver-toting man uncloaked and stepped into the murky light. He was clad in a sharp maroon suit a wore a huge grin.

"Do not shoot, good sir," the newcomer told Alistaire, twirling a cigarette in his fingers like it was child's play. "I am simply here for the job opportunity. This is the correct gang, no? The ones who wish to give BLU hell?"

"That'd be us," replied Damien, RED's tough-as-nails runner, who hadn't even reacted to Alistaire's warning. "Your name's, uh... Pierre, right?"

"Indeed it is. Pleased to make your acquaintance, monsieur."

"Ditto, Pierre, thanks for comin'. You're actually the final dude to show, and just in time, too. Next half of the explanation starts now."

Alistaire sat back down, reddening. What a dumb mistake!

"To all of our recruits, welcome to the gang!" continued Damien from behind his desk. "Your records are sweet as hell, and being chosen for this was no accident. Now we finally stand a fighting chance against BLU!"


Damien grit his teeth and slapped his hands over his ears, turning a stink eye towards Marcus. "Hello, volume control?! I thought you promised not to do that at these things, dude!"

"Oh, sorry..." apologized the overweight. And then, his eyes lighting up: "You want manvich?!"

Damien just groaned, massaging his temples. "No, I do not want another one! Please Marc, can we get through this without any more outbursts?"

Looking at the manvich in his hand and frowning, Marcus finally nodded and began eating it himself. He was confused as to why the offer had been rejected, but ah, who cared. "More for Marcus!" he exclaimed in-between bites.

"Okay, good," affirmed Damien. "So, people! There's, uh... a tiny little detail about the enemy that has recently come to my attention. Apparently, BLU has gotten their hands on some scary new technology. It's called a 'Respawner', which means that even if we kill someone, they'll just regenerate back in their safe house! And the weird part is that it won't deactivate until we've secured all of the major control points! Freaky, ain't it?"

Alistaire's confidence plummeted all the way down to zero. A "Respawner"?! What kind of black magic was this?!

"Damien, h-how are we going to combat this new threat?" he asked. "This changes everything!"

"Yup, I'm gonna have to agree with him!" cried Bill, RED's constructor. "If they keep comin' back, we'll be in trouble!"

"I thought there were no more questions!" shouted Sgt. Bronson, pointing his rocket launcher directly at Alistaire's head. "You broke the rules!"

"Put that down, you dolt," commanded a still-annoyed Damien. "And everyone, just stay calm. The plan we discussed earlier already covers this Respawner issue."

Everyone squinted, thinking back to Bronson's gung-ho strategy review. "Ohhhhh," they all said knowingly in unison. All except for Alistaire.

"It... did?" Confusion was written all over his face.

"Al... you were paying attention, right?" asked Damien. Alistaire began to sweat as all eyes fell on him, and he swore Lorenz was smirking behind that gloved hand of his.

"Oh... of course, of course!" replied Alistaire with profuse nodding. "I remember now, I see!"

"Great, then!" replied the head runner as he got up. "Follow that, and we're sure to net our win without any casualties! Aaaand, with that... meeting adjourned, boys! Get some sleep, arrive tomorrow by high noon on the dot, and we'll get this party started!"

I'll text you a recap later on, Lorenz told Alistaire as everyone dispersed and went their separate ways. Just keep a level head and you'll perform like you always do.

Easy for him to say, thought the glum rifleman as he entered his shoddy apartment.

That night was practically unbearable for Alistaire. He tossed and turned, shifting under the covers this way and that. He even tried sleeping on the floor at one point, but images of being blown to bits by a well-timed rocket just kept popping into his head.

But then he thought of his team. Damien and the others were very experienced individuals. At the very least, they'd put up the fight of their lives because of everything that was at stake.

And then, finally... he stopped thinking, he stopped sweating...

And slept.


"The leading name in freelance security and use of brute force in property protection," read Damien from a BLU pamphlet he held in his hand. "An accurate description for those water-guzzlin' asswipes, wouldn't ya say, guys? Let's nail 'em!"

Damien's trash talk seemed to get everyone pumped, sans Alistaire. He played around nervously with his rifle and wasn't looking ready for war at all.

"Lorenz, I feel like I'm going to puke..."

"Then, please do it that way," directed Lorenz towards the trash. "This lab coat of mine is brand new, I'll have you know."

Alistaire just gave a dry laugh, taking off his hat and ruffling his hair. It was air-conditioned inside their safe house, but that didn't stop him from hyperventilating.

"Listen up gang, it's almost time!" Damien announced. "Up, up, everyone up!"

Almost time?! Already?!

"We've got a minute to go! Lorenz, start chargin' up that superburst! Bronson, start blowin' yourself up so it'll charge faster! And Al, use that scope to let us know who's comin'!"

Marcus, who took to hugging his mammoth minigun rather lovingly, gave Alistaire a thumbs up as he passed. "Good luck out there, comrade!" he encouraged.

"Runner approaching," Alistaire told RED. "And behind him is the bulk of BLU, healer and all. Rifleman taking to the top. They're lining up just like you told us."

"Alright Al, perfect," replied Damien. "Okay, we're down to thirty seconds! Split up and stick to the plan!"

Alistaire watched as the timer went from 15... 10... 5... and then...

*WeeeeeeoooOOO WOOOOooooooo*

The siren sounded, and they were out!


He missed, missed, and missed again! The BLU runner above laughed as Alistaire failed to get a clear shot, the adrenaline pumping throughout the rifleman's body as the scattergun bullets tore through flesh and bone. He was so close to the safe house... should he make a break for it and heal? No, the runner was probably expecting that!


Sgt. Bronson, bless his soul, had noticed Alistaire's plight and doubled back, taking the BLU scum by surprise and launching him high into the air.

"Now, son! FIRE!!!"

Since the dancing BLU menace had temporarily lost all momentum, aiming from atop the shack became a cinch. Following the runner, who was now falling, Alistaire steadied his shaking arms, aimed for where his target was falling... and pulled the trigger! Down went the cocky BLU member, body hitting the ground with a heavy thump.

"Thanks, Bronson, I owe you one!"

Flashing a thumbs up, the rocketman made his way back towards RED. Both teams were currently at a standstill, firing at each other without netting any kills, but that all changed for the worse when BLU's healer activated his superburst, giving them a sudden upper hand.

Or so BLU thought.

On Damien's signal, Lorenz unleashed his own superburst that had been building up, Marcus taking many oncoming BLUs by surprise and letting loose. Soon, BLU's own burst ran out, and they were forced to make a rapid retreat. Alistaire grinned as Damien secured a pattern on the platforms above the point, jumping back and forth between them and unloading into a couple dying opponents. In a last ditch effort before he went down, BLU's constructor dropped a second autogun at the top of the steps, but Alistaire made sure it was quickly reduced to a pile of nuts 'n' bolts.

"Keep going, guys!" ordered Damien, taking the bottom path after securing the control point. "Stick together and hold them off down here!"

Yesss, thought Alistaire, still watching and sniping any remaining BLU who dared to stray along the top path. This plan really is working!

But something was not right as Alistaire fired again. He was sure he had shot another RED member, but his bullet had just vanished into thin air not even a foot in front of him. Odd, there was now blood splattered by his feet, which meant...


"Sweet dreams!" came a voice from behind, sending shivers down Alistaire's spine. He spun around just in time to see the knife being drawn, the sharp steel glinting in the sunlight as it descended towards his heart. Jumping out of the way right at the last second, Alistaire trained his scope on the infiltrator's head and fired. Just like the runner, the BLU assassin collapsing to a clumsy death, the near-death leaving Alistaire's legs feeling like Jell-O.

"H-ha. Haha! Take that! I ain't kicking the bucket today!"

That had been way too close for comfort. With all of the shots being fired, he hadn't even heard him!

"Keep pushing them back, we've got this!"

Damien's shouts brought Alistaire back to his senses. This was no time to get scared. Every second counted! Focusing back on the main fight, Alistaire saw BLU's healer and overweight making a break for it, hopping up the steps as rockets and bullets just barely missed them.

"Oh, no you don't..." mumbled Alistaire, putting his eye up to the sight again. The healer, no doubt thinking their infiltrator had succeeded, fell victim to Alistaire's snipe, leaving the prone overweight to be taken out by the oncoming fire.

"Constructin' an autogun!"

Now moving onto the point with everyone else, Alistaire felt triumphant as BLU's rocketman turned tail and ran down the lower route, Sgt. Bronson in hot pursuit.

"Alright, everyone, great energy!" complimented Damien. "Keep it movin', go go go!"

With the first point now captured, everyone continued on towards the second one in high spirits. Following at a distance was Alistaire, who leapt up the stairs, hopped a gap, and then jumped up to a higher ledge in order to scan the field below him. Sure enough, Damien's information had been correct, and Alistaire blinked in disbelief as everyone on BLU who had just been killed rushed back into battle, healthy as could be. Well, all except the runner. Alistaire made sure that sucker didn't get far.

"Al, take out the healer!" yelled Damien from below, running away from the overweight's minigun spray. "His charge is almost full again, drop down and shoot him from behind!"

From higher above Alistaire, though, came a shot that nearly took him out. It was the other rifleman! Alistaire backed up, but not before returning the assault with a quick shot of his own.

"Al, what're you doing?! KILL THAT HEALER!"

But... but he couldn't! If he revealed himself again, Alistaire knew that another fully charged bullet was going to kill him!

"Dammit to hell!" he seethed, the pain beginning to really kick in. Another sniper rifle shot whizzed over his head... and then another... and again...

Wait a minute! realized Alistaire. He's just spamming his shots, hoping one will hit! He can't see this far!

Taking this into account, Alistaire lowered himself onto the platform below, putting an eye up to his scope and carefully shuffling towards the edge. Sure enough, there was the BLU sniper, looking distressed as he continued to fire bullet after unscoped bullet.

Ready, aim...!

"YES!" shouted Alistaire, breathing a sigh of relief as he waved at the falling body. Boy, did that feel great!


Oh no! While he had been fighting the sniper one on one, the enemy superburst had activated, the overweight screaming like a banshee as he went to town! Alistaire's hands began to shake once again, and he missed quite a bit as he aimed for the BLU members that were not bathed in blue light.

"NO, LORENZ!!!" yelled Damien from below.

Alistaire felt sick. Was Lorenz... was he dead? Please, no. This wasn't happening.


Totally unexpected, Damien broke free from the fleeing REDs and rushed forward, running kamikaze towards the oncoming bullets. Now out in the open below Alistaire's ledge, the rifleman was dumbfounded as Damien jumped above the overweight's head. When the heavyset man aimed up, Damien moved right. When the shots went right, Damien would move fluidly to the left, changing direction sharply and avoiding further damage. He was effectively wasting the superburst! They had a chance after all!

But in his state of surprise, Alistaire failed to see BLU's constructor setting up an autogun near Damien, and the subsequent fire forced the runner to retreat. Alistaire saw the excruciating pain in Damien's face, who no longer had the strength to yell anything at all.

He's going to die, panicked Alistaire. Just like Lorenz! And it's going to be all my fault!

Deep within, Alistaire knew that this was not the time to back down. He had to think. He had to help somehow!

That was when the switch flicked on, and Alistaire's next course of action became clear. Quickly doing a scan, he saw that the BLU rifleman was nowhere in sight. Perfect.

"Here goes nothing!" he cried, building up speed and diving off the ledge. Positioning his body in-between the BLU overweight and Damien once he landed, Alistaire blocked the final few bullets that would've decimated their RED leader. He leaped back over the crate just as BLU's superburst wore off, landing a warning shot on the BLU medic while fleeing. Finally having realized what was going on, Marcus rushed forward and countered BLU's push, intent on emptying his entire clip and causing the enemy to think twice.

"Aw, dude...!" said Damien, breathing raggedly as he knelt down. "You saved me! Thanks!"

"That's because Al knows our death here is not an option."

Alistaire gasped at the man who descended the staircase.

"Lorenz?! You're okay!!"

The German grinned smugly. "It's going to take a lot more than a few tiny scratches to stop me, Al." Directing his heal beam on Damien, Lorenz's medigun vibrated as it let out a very satisfying noise. "If I didn't know how to regenerate my own life, though, who knows what would've happened..."

"Charge done?!" asked Marcus, who was now joined by the firebug.

"Yes, 'charge done'!" confirmed Lorenz. "Shall we?"

"SEND 'EM TO KINGDOM COME, MEN!" demanded Sgt. Bronson, taking a few steps back to reload. With renewed vigor and mended ribs, RED moved out like a very well-oiled machine, overpowering first the overweight, then the medic as Pierre stabbed both the autogun and the frantic BLU constructor at the same time. Alistaire dominated the opponent rifleman who tried in vain to stop them, the BLU member not knowing who to shoot at.

"Now, Lorenz!"

With the second RED superburst finally activated, BLU was finished. Damien blocked the top path above the second point from the approaching runner, constructor, and firebug, while Lorenz juggled his burst between Marcus and Bronson as they annihilated BLU's final attempts at defense. Alistaire even heard when the BLU infiltrator tried to sneak in, the threat shut down immediately once he alerted everyone. To further boost their winning chances, Pierre fired some rounds into all who came out of the spawn. The point... it was nearly theirs!

80%... 90%...!


The final point... they had done it! They had capped!!!

"Come at me, bro, come at me!" taunted Damien over the BLU overweight's body. "Oh wait, you can't, 'cause you're DEAD! REST IN PEACE!"

Lorenz bowed multiple times, basking in the glory of their win. "Thank you, thank you! You're far too kind!"

"No one's clapping for you!" shouted Sgt. Bronson as he passed by. "...but great job out there, soldier!"

"The water is all ours!" said Alistaire, joining in the celebration. "And we didn't die! I can't believe it!"

"All thanks to you, man!" replied Damien, putting an arm around the beaming rifleman. "I would've been toast if you hadn't risked it all for me. An official commemoration for you and your bud Lorenz is in order!"

"Good sirs," Pierre interrupted, popping up from behind a crate. "I do not mean to interrupt, but there appears to be a problem of sorts."

"Water, water!" everyone heard Marcus yell from inside the safe house. "Where is water?!"

"Huh?!" exclaimed Damien, leaping over Pierre and dashing to where the rest of RED surrounded a now weeping Marcus.

"Yo, Marcus, what's the deal?"

Marcus held up two empty plastic jugs, the likes of which littered the floor in heaps. "Water all gone! No drop to drink!" he wailed.

"Everyone, look!" cried Alistaire, removing a yellow sticky note from the wall. "A message!"

"Well, don't just stand there, tell us what is says!" cried Lorenz.

As the entire gang huddled around Alistaire, the rifleman cleared his throat, already feeling a sense of dread returning to his gut.

"To you poor saps in the employ of Fredmann Co.," he read shakily. "Many apologies, but your water is in another garrison. Do you have the guts to fight us for it? Ha, as if you won't go crying back to your mothers before the first shot is fired! Signed, the Bann Mercantile Group!"





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Re: [Fanfic] - [b-tunez] - [Risk Today, Live Tomorrow?]
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2014, 09:43:35 pm »

Ha, that ending. Good fic.

Want me to give a shot at narrating it?
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Re: [Fanfic] - [b-tunez] - [Risk Today, Live Tomorrow?]
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2014, 09:46:22 pm »

Heh, thanks man :P

And sure, give it a go!
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