It's all about demand and supply in this thrilling season finale of the ongoing Gang Garrison series. This episode will answer many questions you viewers at home have had since the debut. Is the Runner going to be forced out of the country? Will the Overweight finally propose to his Brazilian girlfriend? And WHEN will the Infiltrator stop being so pesky? Tune in tonight for all the answers.
The Runner loved Dustbowl. It was his favorite hangout place. Now that peace had finally settled between the RED and BLU teams, the Runner would spend most
days relaxing on the dirt of Dustbowl, waking up extra earlier and staying up late to see the sun rise and fall. Though it was a rough place, he found it was a good
place to relieve stress. It was like paradise.
It wouldn't be for much longer.
"Look at me! I'm soaring like an EAGLE!"
Ever since the war ended, the two teams were rather reckless, especially the Rocketman. He would rocket jump until near death, where he would shout non-stop to
the Healer for medical attention.
"Healer! HEALER!"
"Vat now, Rocketmensch?"
"You know the drill. Heal me! THAT IS AN ORDER!"
The Healer sighed. "I refuse to. You never stop killing yourself with zat stupid weapon of yours! I am tired of healing you."
"Aye, c'mon, doc," the Detonator butted in. "You know how the lad is. Can't stop doing what he does. If you aren't gunna help him out, he'll be six feet
underground!"
"Nien! He can simply go to a resupply cabinet!"
The Rocketman felt left out. "Well, maybe I WILL go to a cabinet. And I'm gonna get there with my 'stupid' ROCKET GUN!"
The Detonator and Healer looked at each other. "No! Wait!"
But it was too late. The Rocketman jumped into his untimely doom, leaving a pile of blood and gibs for the Healer to see, and a corpse for the Detonator, because his
mother doesn't tolerate violence in the house.
"Mien Gott!"
"You shoulda healed him..."
"Ey, what's going on here?" called the Runner, noticing a bit of commotion.
"Rocketmensch... he's dead."
The Runner didn't believe them. "Very funny, Healer. You got me there for a second. "
"No, laddie," the Detonator shook his head. "He's dead alright. Look at him, right over here."
The Runner looked at the pile of guts in horror. "Nah, nah, that's gotta be like... like a bird or something. Maybe two birds."
The Healer picked up the Rocketman's bloody head.
"Oh my God, guys, the Rocketman is dead."
"Yes, ve realize zat."
The Runner looked at the head, and then back to the guts. He never thought that the Rocketman was that fat. Suddenly, the Runner noticed something odd.
"Hold on a minute, what's that underneath the bloody organs?"
The two other team mates looked over and also notice something different. All together, they walked together to the remains of the Rocketman.
The Runner stepped forward, pushed a few bits of the Rocketman away, and saw something he had never seen before.
"It's... a present?"
He held up the green and yellow box, allowing his friends to see it. Suddenly, almost like magic, the present opened itself to reveal it's contents.
The Runner put down the box, and looked inside. And what was inside raised even more questions.
The Detonator was shocked. "Is... is that a hat?"
Inside the gift was a dark black hat, and a note.
The Runner held up the note. "Seems like this hat is called 'The Gibus.'"
"Zat's funny, it wasn't zere before the Rocketmensch died."
"Well, it musta come out of his organs!"
"Or maybe he felt bad that he killed himself so he left us a gift!"
"Either way, ve know zat it appeared when he died."
The Runner started thinking. "Wait, so does that mean when I die, I'll drop a gift?"
"Possibly," the Healer spoke.
"I dunno about you lads, but I'm gonna break the news about the Rocketman. More importantly, I'm gonna show off this new hat!"
"Hey, hey, hold on, I found the Gibus, fair and square."
"I suppose... well, want to come with me and show off YOUR new hat?"
"Hell yea I do!"
The three companions ran as quickly as they could to their camping grounds.
"Attention, everybody, attention. We've got a real freaking important announcement to make."
Slowly, everyone got out of their tents to see the Runner and his pals say what they had to say.
"Wot is it?" the Rifleman called out.
"Alright, everyone here? Okay, check out this sweet new hat I found! Also the Rocketman is dead."
"Wait, what?"
"I know, right? Pretty sweet hat. I found it in a pile of American guts."
The Healer grabbed the Runner's gibus.
"Vat happened is, ze Rocketmensch killed himself, and left behind in a present box zis hat!"
"Yea, we think that now fer some reason when people die, they leave behind a hat!"
The crowd seemed happy about this.
"Is just this hat?" the Overweight spoke out. "Or is many hat?"
"Uh... yea, sure, why not?"
The crowd seemed even more pleased by the idea of this.
The Healer grabbed their attention once again. "Now zis does not mean you should kill everyone just for a hat. When someone dies, at zeir funeral we shall give
zeir dearest friend the hat they left behind. And who knows, other living creatures might drop presents, too!"
Everyone cheered.
"I'm gunna kill my dog!" shouted the Constructor.
The Healer was suprised. "Now, hold on..."
"Hey," interrupted the Runner. "Don't worry about him. His dog's has had a long life of 2 years. It's time he goes to a better place."
Everyone got their hunting gear and started to kill almost everything in sight
Though happiness had found it's way into the camping grounds, it would soon vanish.
A few months had passed, and almost all animals had been killed to collect hats. The crew found out that living beings would only sometimes give a hat when they
died, making people even hungrier for hats, as they became rarer and rarer.
People also found hats they did not like, so they would trade with others for new hats.
The Runner was one of these people. "H-h-hey, Healer, doc, man, I REALLY need a better hat. Can you, can you hook me up with one?"
"Zis is nonsense. You already have very many hats!"
"Never said anything about them being good. I got and idea, how about, I give you this bird head for that cap you've got there? Got a deal?"
"Nien! You should learn to appreciate vat you have!"
Suddenly, the Detonator barged into the room with a case of beer. "WOOOOO! Aye, lads, have a gulp o' this. Found it in a deer's carcass!"
The Runner was suprised. "Wait, you mean to tell me, there's more than just hats in them boxes?"
"Yessir, there's even weapons in 'em!"
"Oh my God oh my God I NEED A PRESENT!"
"Runner, vait-"
But the Runner had already speeded out the door and into the fields.
"Sometimes I think that boy has lost his mind."
"The lad'll come to his senses eventually, I'm sure of it."
"You are probably right..."
Later that night, the Runner stepped into the Overweight's room, a blade in hand.
He approached the bed of the fat man, where he was sleeping.
The Runner put the blade to the Overweight's neck, waking him up.
"I need... boxes..."
The neck and chins of the Overweight poured blood as the Runner sliced him, covering his mouth so to not make any noise.
He looked into the wound, but found no gift.
"What... there's gotta be one somewhere here..."
The Runner climbed into the Overweight's wound, blood painting every part of his body.
Inside, it was dark. And roomy. But the Runner couldn't find any presents.
Suddenly, he saw something in the distance.
"Is... is that you, gifty? Are you the box I've been looking for?"
The Runner ran towards it, and slowed down when it came into vision. It wasn't a gift.
It was the Overweight's parents, sobbing over the loss of their son.
"Oh... oh my God... what have I done?"
The Runner looked at the bloodied blade, shamefully.
He pointed it to his own neck. He couldn't live knowing he hurt many people by killing his friend.
It was time he left.
"AHH!"
The Runner woke up, his heart beating like crazy.
"Oh... oh thank God it was only a dream..."
He looked at his clock. It was 2 in the morning, but he could still hear noise outside.
He went outside and saw a large group of people, so he approached it.
"Hey, what's with all the como-"
As the Runner passed by the circle of people, he saw in the middle a dead body, with a knife in it. More specifically, in the neck.
It was the Overweight.
"Holy crap... who did this?"
"Hon hon hon, we do not know."
The crowd silently looked at the body of their once alive friend. Suddenly, the Rifleman spoke up.
"Bet it was you, Runner. You've been acting quite suspicious for the past month!"
"What? No, no, no, I'm sure it was the Constructor! Those Texan-types don't like people from the 'outside.'"
"Me? Was prolly that Detonator, the two were never friends."
"Aye, I outta kill you right here..."
"See?"
The Healer was very angry. "Everyone, be quite for a minute! we can believe vat we want to believe, but we should not accuse anyone of murder just yet!"
"Are you telling us we should start another war?"
"No, zats not-"
"So it's war, then! Everybody team up, because people shall die!"
No one seemed very enthusiastic about the idea.
"Think about all the hats!"
"YEA!"
Everyone went to the side of the Rifleman, except for four people; the Runner, Healer, Detonator and Infiltrator.
"You best get running, cause we'll kill you right here!"
"Hey, can't we atleast like, pack up or some-"
"GET OUT!"
The four mercs ran as fast as they could to the old abandoned RED base of Dustbowl.
"Zis is insane... I never wanted to start zis. Vat are we going to do?"
"Hon hon hon, I think we should get out of here."
"And how the hell do you think we'll manage that? This whole area's got electric fences around it. The only way out is through the back of the BLU base."
The Healer fixed his glasses. "Then to the BLU base, we shall go."
"Oh, and how do you suppose we'll be doing that? Ask 'em politely if we can go through?"
"Vell, it's worth a shot..."
"Yea, I don't see how that could possibly go wrong."
So the four companions marched towards the opposing team's quarters, arm in arm, and knocked on their door.
"Whadda ya want?" answered the Rifleman.
"Uh, hi, Rifleman..." stammered the Runner. "We were wonderin' if you, uh, could maybe let us go through your base?"
"Hmm... lemme talk with the boys."
The Rifleman shut the door tight, and mumbling could be heard inside the shelter.
"Vat do we do now?" spoke the Healer.
"We wait, dumbass."
And so they waited. And waited. Eventually the Infiltrator got a tent, and they camped out for a night. And another night.
Suddenly, at around 3 in the morning, the door opened again.
"'Ello, boys!"
"Agh! What took you so long?" the Runner said.
"Eh, I was never that good of a conversation starter. Anyways, you can't pass through, sorry."
The Healer was angered. "What? Why not?"
"Well, first of all, we're enemies now, and secondly, the Constructor thinks that the Detonator stole his good pen in third grade.
"Hon hon hon, that's understandable."
"Oh, yea, before I forget, I was told to kill you boys, so, adios amigos."
The Runner jumped up. "Woah, woah, woah! Can't we just talk something out?"
"I would," the Rifleman spoke, "but talking doesn't give you hats."
The Rifleman took out a gun and shot the Runner in his left leg twice.
"OW! Help!"
The Healer picked up the Runner and started running, following the Detonator and Infiltrator, who had gotten a head start.
"This ain't over yet!" the Rifleman shouted. "We'll kill ya, search your corpse and wear your intestins if we have to!"
The four pals finally reached the RED base, panting and huffing like mad.
"Here, sit in zis chair. It vill help more than you think."
"Well... I guess we're gonna have to call you the Wheeler now," the Detonator joked.
"Hey, shut the hell up, okay? I'm in serious pain. Arg! Is anyone here a doctor?"
"Aye, the lad we've been hanging with for months is called the Healer, and you haven't realized he's a doctor yet?"
"Actually..." the Healer stammered.
"Oh, bloody hell, don't tell me you're not a doctor."
"I am not a doctor."
"Shite! Then why the hell are you called the Healer?"
"I worked at a carnival zat had a rollercoaster called ze Injection. I'd hand out fake medication bottles as a gimmick after passangers got off ze ride."
"But don't ya have a healing gun of some sort?"
"I sold it to someone for a hat."
The Detonator sighed. "Infiltrator, PLEASE tell me you're a doctor."
"Hon hon hon, alright. I'm a doctor."
"Thank the Gods from above. Alright, now start working on the Runner's leg, alright?"
"Hon hon hon, I don't know how to do that."
"But... you said you were a doctor?"
"Hon hon hon, you told me to. I'm not a doctor, either."
"Bloody friggin' hell! Are there any other lies you'd like ta get out too, Infiltrator?"
"Yes. I'm not really French."
The Runner was shocked. "Wait, really? Then why have you been saying 'hon hon hon' all this time?"
"It's a speech impediment that only happens whenever I want it to."
"Everyone stop getting off topic!" the Healer shouted. "We need to address ze real problem; there's a shot man in ze room who has no one to help him."
"I wouldn't really say he's a man..."
"Hey, screw you you Scottish son-of-a-bitch. Arg!"
The blood pouring from the Runner's leaking faucet was starting to turn a rancid shade of violet.
"T-that's not good, is it?"
"I don't think so, lad. This doesn't look good."
"You bet your... arg... ass it doesn't. If only I had it in me to fix this leg..."
The Runner lifted his head up. "Wait a minute..."
"Hon hon hon, what is it, Runner?"
"I... I do have it in me! I am a doctor!"
"YOU WERE A DOCTOR THE WHOLE BLOODY TIME, AND YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT?"
"Hey, I'm a very busy man, and sometimes I forget important things. Like, for example, I don't know if I left my stove on. Oh my God, did I leave the stove on? I gotta
go..."
"JUST FIX YER LEG, ALREADY!"
"Alright, alright. But I'll need a screwdriver, clean blood, 50 cents and a table leg."
The Infiltrator dug into his pocket. "I have all of that right here."
"How did you get all zat?"
"I am also a dumpster diver."
"Whatever, let's just fix this leg, alright?"
Within an hour, the Runner's leg was like brand new.
"Excuse me, Runner," the Healer asked, "don't you think it would have been better to give yourself a full sized leg and not a baby leg?"
"Yea, that probably would have been a good idea. Hang on..."
Within another hour, the Runner's leg was like it used to be.
"Aw yea, baby, the Runner's back in action!"
"Hon hon hon, excellent. Now that we have one less problem to be dealt with, we should deal with the next one. The Detonator ate all the fish crackers and now we
have none left!"
"What're you tryin' a say, Infiltrator?"
"That you ate all the fish crackers...?"
"Nah, nah, that's not it. It's more than that."
"...what do you mean?"
"You're just blaming me cause you're a stinkin' RACER."
"It's racist, Detonator."
"That's what I... said."
"Infiltrator," the Healer spoke, "did you put alchohol in those fish crackers?"
"Yes. I put alchohol in everything."
The Runner was very angry. "Bad Infiltrator, bad. Go to the corner and think about what you've done."
"Hon hon hon," the Infiltrator whispered, ashamed.
"Alright, I've been working on some plans to get us through the BLU base," the Healer announced to the others. "If we go at 4:30 AM tonight, they should all be
asleep. We will sneak by and be freed!"
"Sounds like a plan to me."
"Brilliant, if you ask me."
"Hon hon hon, I think I see a probl-"
"Be quiet, Infiltrator! You're still in time out, remember?"
The clock finally reached 4:30. The boys knew it was time. Silently, they snuck out of their own base, and crossed the dusty dirt fields to the BLU base.
The Runner had a go at the door, but it was locked. The Healer then signalled to a nearby open window.
They all climbed in, to see all of their enemies sleeping on the ground. Carefully, they walked by the snoozing mercenaries and headed to the exit door.
On their way there, the Runner noticed a sticky note, with the words, 'Bomb the RED base 6 AM.'
It's a good thing we got out just in time, thought the Runner.
They made their way out the door to freedom, and closed it softly.
"Aw yea," whispered the Runner. "We're finally free!"
"Shh! Ve don't want more trouble on our shoulders."
They walked silently for a half hour, until the Detonator broke the silence.
"It feels like we're... forgetting something."
"Yes, ve seem a lot smaller than before."
"Oh, it's probably because the Infiltrator's... not here..."
The Detonator kicked the ground. "Bloody hell! The one time we're free and we have to go back to the RED base."
"Hey, we won't need to," the Runner responded. "The RED base will be toast at 6."
The Healer and Detonator looked at each other. "Vat do you mean by zat?"
"Oh, the Rifleman and his gang are going to blow up the RED BASE OH MY GOD."
"VAT? WHY DID YOU NOT TELL US BEFORE?"
"I, uh... forgot?"
"HOW CAN YOU FORGET ZAT?"
"Like I said before, I'm a very busy man with a stove that might be on."
"Stop jerking around, lads, we need to save the Infiltrator!"
The three companions ran as fast as they could to the RED base.
They got there just in time, and killed everyone in sight and saved the Infiltrator.
They all grew up as a happy family with lots of well behaved children, the end.
That's what the Detonator and Healer wanted to happen, but instead the Runner was hungry and stopped for burgers on the way there
They finally got to the ex-RED base, where they saw a bunch of rubble, and a dying Infiltrator.
"Oh my God, Infiltrator! Talk to me, please."
"...Runner... don't worry about me..."
"Aye, what about me an-"
"Shut up, I'm talking with the Runner. Anyways, it's alright... I was barely a main character..."
"No, Infiltrator, no. You can't die, not now, not ever."
"I'm sorry, Runner."
"No!"
"Hon... Hon... HONNNNN"
As the Infiltrator passed from this world to another, a tear dropped from his eye.
The Runner, Detonator and Healer were shocked. Their spooky friend was dead.
"He's... he's dead."
"I suppose we're even now."
The 3 friends looked back to see the Rifleman with his two crew members; the Constructor and Firebug.
"Wh... Whatta mean, even?"
"You kill the Overweight, we kill the Infiltrator. Fair and square."
"We didn'nee kill the Overweight, alright? This whole war's about something we're not even sure about."
"Oh, we're sure, alright. We have evidence."
"Evidence?"
"Lookie here," said the Rifleman, holding a bloody switchblade. "We found it in the Runner's room after the Overweight's passing."
"What the- Runner, is there something you aren't telling us?"
"No, no way! I would never kill the Overweight. Unless..."
"Unless vat?"
"I might have killed him in my sleep. I had a dream before he died where I sliced his throat."
The Rifleman pulled out his rifle and pointed it directly at the Runner's head.
"So you're tellin' me you killed the fat man. If you killed someone, why shouldn' I kill you right now?"
"Look, Rifleman... it was all a misunderstanding. I didn't mean to kill him, alright? Can you please just put down the gun and let us discuss this?"
The Rifleman smiled.
"Nah."
He pulled the trigger of his aimed gun, and as the bullet passed through the Runner's skull, a gift popped out of his brains.
"No! Runner!"
"Yes! Present!"
The Rifleman and Firebug both ran after the box, hoping to be the lucky one to get a new hat.
"Oh boy, a brand new hat!"
"Mph mm!"
"Let's see what's inside. It's... bombs? Sticky bombs?"
"Ka-boom."
The Rifleman and Firebug were both blown to pieces, thanks to the trap the Detonator had laid inside the Runner earlier.
"Nice work, Detonator."
"Thank ya, but that will never make up for the Runner's death."
"I'd say it more than made up."
The Healer and Detonator looked over to the third of their enemy trio: the Constructor.
"What do ya mean, smartie pants?"
"You killed two men, we killed one."
"Zat is where you are wrong. You ALSO killed two men."
"But one of those was for the Overweight's death."
"You better shut up right now or the death count'll be REALLY un-even."
"Look, fellas, as much as I'd like to blow the stupid faces right off your heads this instant, I'd prefer having a fair duel."
"A... fair duel? As in, 10 paces or something like that?"
"Of course. Meet at the BLU team tunnel, 6 o' clock tonight."
"We will be there, I can assure you. And we will win, for the Runner and Infiltrator!"
The clock finally hit 6:00. The Detonator and Healer marched over to their meeting spot, where the Constructor was already waiting above the tunnel.
"There y'all are."
"What, ya thought we wouldn't come?"
"Nah, no. Anyways, who want's to fight me first?"
"Well," the Healer started as he marched down the steps of the tunnel, "I think ze Detonator should go first becau-"
Once the Healer reached the bottom step of the tunnel stairs, his head vanished, making him fall flat to the ground.
"What the bloody hell? Good God, is he dead?"
"He's lying on the ground without any head on, what d'ya think?"
"He's probably dead, but I don't want ta check, my head'll probably pop off too."
The Constructor sat down. "So many people dying today. It's hellish."
"Sure is. All your friends are there one minute, and the next second, they're gone."
"Yep."
"Oh, by the way, there's somethin' on yer shoe."
"What is it?"
"Not much, just an explosion."
The Detonator stepped away from the Constructor as he set off his placed sticky bombs. He was now the lone survivor.
"God, where did all of this go so wrong? Why did we all have to die over hats?"
The Detonator fell to the ground and starting sobbing gently.
He remembered all the good times him and the gang had had.
When the Healer accidentally started a war.
When the Runner fixed his own leg.
When the Infiltrator quit smoking and started a strip club business.
All of those good times were now memories.
Lost memories.
"Hello, you Scot son-of-a-bitch."
The Detonator recognized that voice.
"Rocketman?"
"That's me."
The Detonator ran towards the crazy American soldier, and hugged him.
"Oh my God, you're alive! How did you survive that fatal rocket jump?"
"I didn't. I died."
"What? But then... how are you here right now?"
"I respawned. When you die in this game you come back to life later."
"Didn't know that."
"Okay then. I'm low on health so I'm going to rocket jump to spawn again."
The Rocketman shot a rocket at his feet and exploded once more, leaving another present for the Detonator behind his bloody grave. He walked up close to it, and
opened it up, only to find a shrunken down angel.
"What a rip-off. I better go kill some more people for virtual hats."
"Hey, Overweight, big guy, what's up?"
"Not much, little Runner. I am selling my body for hat."
"Woah, you mean, like prostitution? If that's the case, I'm interest-"
"No, not like that. I let someone kill me for hat, then when I come back to life they kill again. The deal is I receive half of the hat he earn."
"Oh."
"So what do you say, it is a deal?"
"Yea, sure. I'll do it, as long as you promise when I cut your neck I won't see your parents inside you."
"How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"Nothing. Let us begin."
Unfortunately due to a lack of funding and multiple substance abuses throughout the cast the show will be cancelled indefinitely. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Author
Topic: [Fanfic] - [Deuce] - [Dark Days in Dustbowl] (Read 2101 times)
