Here are the features of Game Maker:
Costs a lot of money so you know its professional
It's not *that* pricey.
For the public it would be geared to (newbie young programmers), it sort of is.
Its very slow, so you know its like a professional game
It's not slow, it's just not fast enough for everyone's needs.
If those needs include common needs in games (serious AI, ray-based lighting, 3d rendering), things are different.
Although I agree with you that Game Maker isn't meant to be used in games with serious performance hogs, so this is not really a problem.
The D3D looks like shit to give you that retro Virtual Boy experience!
It doesn't "look like shit". You can make beautiful games with that. It's limited, sure, but nothing stops you making a good-looking game with it.
You can make beautiful games by writing your own 3d renderer by hand. The ability to make something great with a tool doesn't necessarily mean the tool is great.
Although again, this is tied to the performance issue: Really good 3d graphics tend to be rather expensive in processing power, which is arguably an area Game Maker isn't geared towards (and definitely sucks).
Mplay is outdated and only worked for windows 98, for that brilliant retro feel!
You sure about that?
I can't comment on this, have no experience working with Mplay.
GM:S is an exact copy of Game Maker 8.1, except updates were moved there instead. Forcing everyone to repurchase game maker! 
No. GM:S is a significant improvement, with better documentation, more platforms, and a proper compiler.
Same as above.
And Game Maker will make sure your closed-source game has all its source code stored in memory, plain text!
Not in GM:S.
Good, that was an "improvement" that brought them up to par with the absolute baseline of other languages.
There are so many statements that do the same thing, the language looks like roadkill!
What statements? I see no duplication. It's no ugly language, either; C is worse, and with a little discipline, your code can look quite nice.
Uhh what? Ok, MrRatermat didn't formulate this properly, but game maker has a terrible amount of different structures for doing the same things (borrowed from different languages), or of completely useless statements ("then").
And "with a little discipline", anything can look nice. This goes for C as well (what most of GMLs syntax is based on), and the only reason why C can be (when masterfully used) uglier than GML is because GML doesn't have two features (macros and pointers). On the structures they both have, GML can be a lot more confusing.
a = 0;
if a=0a=3&a&&a=1&a=2=4=6||1|15
show_message(a)
This prints "1" btw, somewhat obvious when you think about it, but still. This is not an example of a language that encourages you to write beautifully.
Game Maker is an interpreter, and you know how fast that is!
Again, GM:S is not interpreted. And it's not slow, it's just not fast enough for some applications
This claim is just a rehash of above claims anyway, see answers there.
Call of Duty is written in Game Maker language
Nope. Pretty sure it's C++.
Yeah, CoD definitely isn't Game Maker. Too good graphics and effects.
Game maker is the fastest world-wide growing language, used by people who refuse to learn other languages everywhere!
Doubt it.
So do I. Game Maker doesn't even appear on the language charts right now.