Hello gang garrison 2 forums I noticed a lot of you were requesting Pong which is pretty much the first videogame ever created. That one obviously gets a 10/10 so I will instead be reviewing it's spiritual successor Ping-Pong
by Konami. This is basically Pong with stunning graphics and enhanced gameplay as well as an actual game-set-match system. It is an arcade game and it already looks way more sexy than Pong. Hopefully it will hold up to the standards set up by it's predecessor and then some. I was immediately greeted by a preview of what was to come: intense ping-pong action that'll make you wish your weak ass stayed at home in the little leagues of the Atari 2600
There was 5 different levels of difficulty and I wanted to get a feel for the game and stuff so I decided to be a lightweight and choose level 1 difficulty. Of course this accounted for shit because I soon realized I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. But first I want you to look at those stunning graphics. I could tell as soon as I started this was the future of pong-based gaming and ahead of it's time in every aspect. I'm pretty sure this would be the major influence for later genre definers like Mario Tennis and Sega All-Stars Tennis, both respective 10s in my book. If you are not getting a boner right now looking at these graphics you are a filthy casual.
Anyway I started playing and I figured out one of the buttons would make the ball go up so I could serve to my opponent. But when I pressed something nothing happened and my racket thing started convulsing back and forth and nothing was happening. Konami, in Green Beret fashion, decided to be balls annoying and make it so there is a time limit, which will force you to drop the fucking ball and concede a point after a few seconds. I wonder how much money Konami made off the poor suckers who played their hard ass arcade games. Anyway I could not for the life of me figure out how to swing the actual racket and there was only two buttons. It wasn't until later when I had given up like 5 points to the opponent who hadn't even done anything that I realized it involves moving your racket with the directional. I don't get why because later I'm pretty sure you use the button that did nothing to return the volley. The control scheme was a jumbled pile of shit that I hated. Far inferior to the simplicity and genius of original Pong.
Anyways, the controls were so bad and unresponsive and the ball kept slipping past that at one point my goal just became to get one fucking point. When I finally did I celebrated by turning off the game and doing something more productive with my life. Here are a bunch of screenshots that look all the same and are out of order because I can't for the life of me figure out when I took them, because the whole thing takes place in just one screen. It's only okay because the graphics are sexy as hell. If you look closely into the sea of people who look like Mario in the blue colored block there is even a penguin. That is fucking cool.
The worst part of this game is the time limit on the serve, in actual ping pong they dont make the person who is serving drop the fucking ball on the ground if he doesn't serve in a set time. Really damn stupid but I would not expect anything less from the sadistic hacks that were the Konami dev team. Nonetheless, sexy graphics and shitty, boring, maddening gameplay that makes Pong seem like a bona-fide masterpiece.
This game gets a 5/10 for the above reasons
EDIT: I think I am going to add a request checklist somewhere, so I can remember I have to do Yume Nikki for Sani and the Pokemon thing for Colton