The End Results
When will this shut-ins realize they have no life and just visit the carnival...?
Huh?
Oh!
Welcome to the Carnival, the Greatest Show on Earth!
Prepare yourselves to witness stupefying acts of athletic ability and the strict training of otherwise dangerous animals through the course of borderline animal abuse! You say the animals have "fear", but we say the animals have "obedience"!
And behold the beauty of human acrobatics, with no regard for the safety of themselves nor others! Bravery or sheer stupidity? You decide!
Remember, ladies and gentlemen, there is no act too death-defying, too awe-inspiring, too--
Yes? What is it?
...
What, all of them? Already?
I thought I told you to get the hobos sleeping on the benches at Halfway Park! They last longer.
Aww...shoot. Okay, uhh...
Tell you what. Go to the back, and rattle a bunch of the cages back there and see if we still have some that are alive.
Ahem. Sorry about that, loyal visitors! Some of our performers had a few...accidents. But fear not, because the carnival didn't lose a single penny since they signed release forms.
If you would, please follow me and my lovely assistant, and we'll give you some consolation for your loss of entertainment.
Right this way, please.
Brace yourselves, guests. What you see might horrify and shock you. This act is not for those who nauseate easily.
And please, no throwing peanuts at the exhibits. We reward them with food, and throwing legumes at them during non-feeding days lessens our control over these creatures. Which is why my lovely assistant is handing you all cattle prods now.
Now that we're all ready, we shall now turn on the lights.
LOVELY ASSISTANT, HIT THE LIGHTS, PLEASE
Now then, right this way! Onward to...The Freakshow!
In this cage, you can see...
...Hmm. Sleeping on the job, eh?
Lovely assistant, if you please.
PPPWWWEEEEEE
EEEEEEeee
Thank you.
Don't be alarmed, valued customer! As intimidating as those large, fearsome eyes and unibrow may be, this beast is safely locked up in this cage.
Behold! The next step in human evolution! The missing link between man of present day and man of the future!
Using his large eyes, this being is able to see a tick on a pelican on a beach a mile away! Using his enormous ears, he can hear the plates of the Earth slowly rumble!
For the man of the future, the nose becomes vestigial, it loses its ability to work. In exchange, it becomes a lethal weapon due to its size and sharpness!
Are you terrified, guest? Then you will faint from fear of our next spectacle.
Step on down over here, if you would.
"What is this cake for", you may be wondering?
Our own safety.
On an empty stomach, this creature becomes fueled with a violent blood lust.
You may think she's easy on the eyes at first, but that's only if you focus on her own eyes.
This beast used to live among normal human beings, like you and me. But eventually her gluttony for violence overwhelmed her, and she began attacking some of our fellow carnies in a blood-fueled rampage.
Subdued through elephant tranquilizers, she is now safely behind bars. The bars of justice. And our amusement.
Ah yes, and did I forget to mention? Her nose ceases to exist.
Since birth, this pitiful thing has never had the ability to smell, most likely the reason behind her violent outburst.
Oh dear, it appears she's finished her daily meal. Now seems like a good time to head to our next p--
Yes? What is it, lovely assistant?
Huh!? What do you mean the rest of them croaked!?
Did you remember to tell them to share that loaf of bread!?
Well...uh...I guess that's it, folks. Sorry about that.
I...hope you all learned a valuable lesson...or something. Like how the freaks in the freakshow aren't the real monsters or some nonsense like that. Because that's all we got...
If you want, I'll give you all a pamphlet to tell me what you think these things' personality traits should be. Just give me one from each category and I'll use a secret method to cramming all your suggestions in their little monster brains. Make sure you have four for both the man and the woman.
These mostly affect skill gain.
These mostly affect physical abilities or how you interact with the environment around you.
These influence how you interact with people, and also helps with skills involving social interaction.
These mostly affect long-term goals.
