Memorial of Morons

[Theta Zero]

Oh, also, Scoot pointed this out to me.

Dismal the Hedgehog (Inkikusai za Hejjihoggu) is labeled as a Troll, but he never used to be one; he used to be a regular hedgehog, until he was captured by Rageik.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

The Girard Girls forced him to wear a diaper, and then made him do their laundry.

WORDS WORDS WORDS

This is actually what happens to Jimmy in Ed Edd 'n' Eddy The Movie.

So even with their bizarre and grotesque fetishes, they can't even be original.

Thread died at this post.

Date of Memorial of Morons addition:

11/11/11

[Theta Zero]

You Need Two Hands To Count Which Entry This Is

I'm banning everyone.

A little while ago, I edited my forum signature to read:

I'm currently contemplating whether or not to ban this user. PM me your say on the subject.

Now for those of you who don't know, the URL for the link (http://www.ganggarrison.com/forums/index.php?action=profile) doesn't actually link to a specific profile. It only links to the profile of the person clicking it. In other words, clicking on the link will make you view your own profile. I changed my signature as a prank hoping to get some unsuspecting members to react strongly, believing that I was thinking of banning them. Which I did. Uh, "I did" as in I tricked people into thinking I was going to ban them, that is. I didn't actually ban anybody.

What I also got were some more keen members pointing out that they were aware of the trick. Which was predicted. What I didn't foresee, however, were members asking to see some private messages I got of the many who were fooled by my signature. In response for those curious members, I've created a new entry into the Memorial of Morons with quotes of the tricked members and my responses to them. Don't worry if you're one of the unfortunate few to fall for my prank--I've redacted the names from the quotes and I by no means think you're a moron...by judging you off of this, at least.

What did I do? If it's the avatar, it's already been changed.

Steam profile links aren't allowed in signatures.

Well, that's a new rule that I somehow haven't gotten a hold of yet. I'll remove it.

I toughtz u shuld ban <user's own name>
He ins't col guy becuz he ain't no good comp and does not hav all the swag

Le end.

Stlusni yttep naht erom gnihton htiw tpecxe yas uoy gnihtyna egdelwonkca ton lliw I. Reverof toidi egalliv s'murof eht sa dekram era uoY. Diputs fo sdnik eerht era ouY.

I am the village idiot?
I never knew that!Thank you alot!
I like you kind words,looking at everything i write so i know im safe for any harm,and such.

That was a test. I actually encoded a secret message within the text. I see you only read it backwards. Try finding my actual message inside the text, this time reading it forwards.

After certian times,i clould not decode the mensage
I fear i might have been tricked,but if i wasn't,id like to say i failed.

Okay i've got anoter question

Whats a YDYRIS

It is a code for the color of a specific national flag which is vital for decoding this, since the secret message is written in the national language of the country that owns said flag.

I had a better teory about YDYRIS/SIRYDY

Its proof what you are just trying to make me look like an idiot
Getting over it, no hidden message in that.

I figured you would get frustrated in this simplistic decoding process.

>YDYRIS
>Decoding proccess

Really.

Why you want to ban me?  

You like Naruto, and a lot of people have sent me messages supporting the ban.

Becase of i like naruto?  

 

Why are you considering to ban me?  

(Two years later)

Nvm that last post, this is the last time I'll trust <other forum member>.

why?

(Eight apples later)

OH YOU  

I see that you have come to the conclusion that I am to be banned. This is fitting, seeing as the character i'm playing is also a martyr for his people. I do have one request though.

Let the people burn.

go ahead and ban me nigga

fuck yes

I got bored and changed my signature at this private message.

Date of Memorial of Morons addition:

1/28/12

[Theta Zero]

You Need Two Hands And A Toe To Count Which Entry This Is

Redemption

Rintje100. What can be said about him? A lot. Well, I mean a lot could be said about his past experiences on this forum. Between being tricked by nearly all of the forum and being mocked by nearly all of the forum, a lot could be said indeed. Oh to be young and naïve again...

But that was the past. Did Rintje100 deserve such treatment? Well, that's subjective. Oh how fun it was. But as I said, that was the past, and this is the now, which is now the past, which means the future is now the present which is also the past, eventually. Where is Rintje100 now? Why, he's actually a helpful and respectful forum member now! Recently he's been helping out for members working on Gang Garrison mods and the like.

We all have our weak moments. Rintje100's was just stretched out over the course of a few months. But now, Rintje100 is a more upstanding member of the community. And on behalf of this community, I would like to apologize for our treatment of him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting rid of his past actions being archived here. But Rintje100, please keep in mind, I'm also engraving my apology in stone on The Great Tome of The Memorial Of Morons. Because of this past, you are now a better member of the community.

So, uh, that's it for now. Bye bye.

Date of Memorial of Morons addition:

2/1/12

[Theta Zero]

Part the Dozen

Over this spring, I took a photography class at the local college. Now, I don't know about you, but I like to keep the internet very seperate from my personal life like how hyper-Christain parents keep their children from death metal. Much to my horror, I discovered three people in my class that actively browsed Reddit, a site the is the internet equivalent of a swarm of mosquitos: massive, but made up of small, insignificant, and annoying individuals where if you are unlucky enough to get stuck in the middle of, you'd be annoyed and irritated to the point of almost traumatization. And I'm pretty sure you'd probably get malaria, too.

In General Chatter, I made almost journal-like entries of my time in the class with two of the most irritating people I've met in real life. Because I'm too civilized to outright punch them in the face, I'll settle for the next best thing: making fun of them anonomously on the internet.

Week 1
(also I forgot what specific days I posted these so I'm just going to set them all at one week intervels)
Dear diary, I was walking aroung campas today when I noticed a person sitting alone in the designated smoking area. I couldn't believe it, but he was actually picking his nose. When he noticed me staring at him, he started yelling at me. Speaking of irritating immature people in college, I had to do a "Flat Stanly" project for the first assignment in a college photography class with three of the most annoying people. Normally first graders do this "Flat Stanly" thing by cutting out some paper drawing, sending it to a relative, and then the relatives take a picture and send it back. Our assignment was to cut out Flat Stanly and take a picture of him in an "interesting situation". Here's mine.



Well anyways, then in comes these three guys. They try to speak in memes at any opportunity, which is annoying on the internet, but in real life? They do it even when it doesn't have any relevance (imagine the professor in the middle of a lecture and one of them yelling "COOL STORY BRO" when he starts to demonstrate Photoshop image correcting). For their Flat Stanly project, they copied and pasted some stupid Reddit rage face onto Flat Stanly. The one with the red text going "LOOOL" or something.

All three of them got an F on the project. I overheard them passing the F off as the professor not understanding the meme or what a meme is. But actually there were three major factors in them getting an F: 1) The shot was WAY out of focus; 2) They took a picture of the Flat Stanly against a plain white wall, defeating the entire purpose of the project; and most importantly, 3) Doing the assignment as a group project and turning it in with multiple people credited was an instant F.
Week 2
Hello diary. In my photography class today, our project was due the very day it was assigned. The professor didn't have any work for us planned because we were (mostly) all ahead on our current assignment. So he gave us us a filler assignment: we had to take a picture of "texture". That is to say he gave us a couple of hours to explore the campus or drive to a spot and take a close-up picture of an object with really neat texture. I took a picture of some frozen water, which turned out well. That's not the point of this entry, though.

The three Redditors I mentioned before? They spent every hour we had for the project in the lab. Browsing that awful website, "Know Your Meme". You know, the one that does nothing but list awful Reddit memes or things from as far back as 2007. It just got me thinking, WHY would you SPEND MONEY on a college class to BROWSE THE INTERNET AND DO NOTHING? And that doesn't even compare to a conversation I overhead one of them had with a woman right as the class was over. I'd tell you the story if I wasn't still processing the sheer stupidity of it in my mind.
Week 2 Addendum
Okay, I've taken about seven aspirin, so I'm ready to tell you what happened. One of the Redditors had a purse (not a bookbag, a flat-out PURSE) with My Little Pony characters on it during the texture assignment. A younger woman was working next to him on the computer when she noticed his girly container. She asked him "What's with the purse?" and he explained it was from My Little Pony. She asked "Did you trade your backpack with your sister?" and he responded, rather condescendingly, saying that he didn't have a sister and that My Little Pony was a "trademark" of animation and that he shouldn't be ashamed to watch it, even though she said NOTHING about the show. Note that he honestly said, word-for-word, that My Little Pony was "a trademark in animation". The woman scoffed and said "I can't tell if you're serious". He retorted with,

 "I can't tell if YOU'RE serious". To which she responded with,

"You're a tard" and he said the most embarrassing thing I've ever overheard somebody say in public. I'm fairly certain that phrase was from My Little Pony, because I nor the woman could, for the life of us, make sense of it. His comeback?

"You only make my cutie mark stronger!"

After that, I just got up and walked to the bathroom to scrub the filth off of my body. I assumed the woman walked away from the conversation too, because she was on the other side of the room from him when I came back.
Week 3
Hey there, diary. For my photography class, we were given the old classic: still life, as an assignment tomorrow. Since we had to bring the objects ourselves at the next class day, the rest of class was working on our other assignment, which was realistically replicating and adding water through Photoshop. Pretty neat.

Oh, but an entry about my class isn't complete without the Redditor dorks. One of them finally dropped out, so there's only two left. For the lecture today, our professor was describing abstract angles for our next assignment. In the middle of the lecture, the professor asks "What is the main appeal of abstract angles?" and one of them yells "THE EPICNESS", with the other one busts up laughing immediatly afterwards while the entire class sits silent. Then for the rest of the lecture, I could hear them "whispering" the words "the epicness" and what the professor asked between the two of them while giggling.

When it came time to continue the Photoshop assignment, the "YOU ONLY MAKE MY CUTIE MARK STRONGER" guy starts playing a nyan cat Flash game. The other one notices, and so he goes to a nyan cat website and plays that atrocious song for literally half an hour while constantly adjusting the volume. Some guy comes over and asks him to stop, so he doesn't...It took the same guy coming over and telling him to stop for a second time. But only in exchange for both of them humming and singing it to themselves for the rest of the class.
Week 4
Okay diary, so here's what happened THIS TIME.

Our assignment for the day was still life. We were supposed to bring in a couple of objects, large and small, that represents our personality the most. I brought in some of my ceramic things I made a while back. The YOU STRONG CUTIE ONLY MAKER guy didn't do anything. His meme-spouting friend brought in...a bunch of anime books and some colored pencils. "Anime" as in like Bleach or some guy with white hair and dog ears or something. He also brought in a blue notebook with two anthropomorphic and very masculine lions learning head to head with the words "I love you more than life itself" on it. "On it" as in he taped a piece of paper with the picture printed out in black and white on the notebook.

I'm going to leave that one alone.

Anyways, the point of the assignment was to get abstract angles while still being able to see what the objects are. One girl brought in an amp and a guitar and took a picture of the guitar leaning on the amp, with the stock of the guitar slowing fading out of focus upwards. It turned out pretty great. Because I've been doing pretty good with abstract angles, the professor assigned me to help the other students. The meme guy dumped all of his junk onto the backdrop, and organized it. Which I guess looked neat. "Neat" as in "orderly", not "abstract" or "cool". So I come over to him and suggested "Try messing it up a bit. It'll give it a lot of character and look pretty cool. Maybe experiment with weird angles a little". He responds with "Don't tell me what to do, bro," ignores what I says and, right in front of me, takes one photo without changing anything, packs up, turns it in, and plays the nyan cat game with the sound slightly on for the rest of the day.

This class is fun, don't get me wrong. But if it wasn't, I would just have dropped out because of two.
Week 5
Today the STRONGIE CUTER MAKE guy was the only one who showed up. Usually this was good, since nobody talks to him except for his annoying friend. Except today he installed Amnesia: The Dark Decent, a survival horror game, on the computer. First he asked if he could turn off the lights to the professor, whom of which couldn't figure out why and just walked away. When the professor left us to do our work (it's an independent class), the MAKIE STRONG CUTER guy began playing the game and started screaming  (not "AAAAAHHHH" but a quick and loud "AHH!") whenever something "scary" (a door closed, a chair tipped over, a rather threatening puzzle appears) happened. Eventually he encountered and got attacked by Mr. Flappy Jaw and turned off the monitor out of fear.

I can't believe these kind of people exist.
Week 67
What's the word, diary? Our assignment this week was "Odd Man Out", where we had to have a group of something (a group being two or more), and we had to Photoshop and object that clearly doesn't belong. I don't have the finished one, but here's the one I already uploaded. It's still got a few wrinkles I can iron out.



I did pretty well on the completely one. I got an A+ (usually when you complete the assignment in its entirety correctly, you just get an A; you get an A+ for going above and beyond).

As for the Redditors, all that's left is the CUTEY MARK STRONGER guy, because the other one died after going three days without water while browsing Reddit or something. I don't really care enough to find out where he went. But anyways, the only one that's left actually did the project. Amazing, I know. His picture was a Reddit rage comic. Putrid little things, aren't they? Funny thing is, he did exactly what I predicted he would do right as this project was assigned. What I couldn't fathom a guess on was how he could make an "odd man" for it.

What he did was he got that exceptionally stupid rage comic with the guy eating cereal and talking to a guy holding a news paper. The last frame is a real-life picture of him spitting out cereal. He "Photoshopped" the picture of him spitting cereal onto the comic along with the "punchline" speech bubble underneath him. Also there was a ton of unnecessary swearing in every single frame.

For ever assignment, the professor critiques our work and offers suggestions or improvements. It's pretty neat, because it's always nice to get recognized for your work as well as being criticized, for better or worse. But I'm probably just going to skip the day where our professor reviews our work for this project in front of the class. The last thing I want to see is a confused professor reviewing a meme while a complete idiot tries to justify it.
Week 68
Hey diary. America declared war on Russia...it's the last thing our country needed, really. But I'm sure we'll be fine. Anyhow, I got some of the friends I made in my photography class on my Facebook page (I know, I know). I managed to find the two Redditors through suggested friends. The CUTEY MARK IS STRONGER guy is in like five My Little Pony groups or likes or whatever they're called, and the other one that dropped out has their description stating "I am an enour-mouse furry. Don't like it? Don't talk to me :3" and that he likes 9gag, which I'm somewhat inclinded to believe is some 4chan thing.

Bleh. Also our assignment for the day was architecture. I managed to snag a shot higher up of some nice snow-covered houses that I might post later. It looks really nice. I'm disappointed that they didn't do it, I was curious whose Cheeto-covered and Mountain Dew-flooded basement they would take a picture of.
Week -12
The CUTEY MARK guy brought his mini-laptop to school today. He took one of the wacom tablets we had in the class and used it...to recolor a Sonic character--the rabbit--black and giving her longer eyelashes.

Note that this guy cannot be younger than 19.

About four different people stopped, stared, frowned, then walked away in the hours he spent recoloring MANUALLY using Adobe Illustrator.
Year 2032
Dear diary, the bombs fell today. We're going to try seeking shelter, but I'm just...I'm not sure of anything anymore. Oh, and also today the ONLY MAKE CUTE STRONGIES guy started out quiet. I thought he was going to be silent for once. Then half an hour in he goes "WHY IS KNOWYOURMEME.COM DOWN!?" as if anybody was masochistic enough to talk to him, let alone care. And I'm not exaggerating with all those caps there. He literally YELLED in the middle of class.

After several attempts of trying to connect to the website, he starts pounding the desk like a child. Not like a weak little pound, I mean he put his fists into a ball and hit the table with enough force to make every computer two seats away from him shake. And he did this repeatedly for about thirty seconds until I glared at him. But still went "URGH, AUGH, GRRNGH" like he was giving birth to a baby made out of broken glass.

He finally gave up and started playing Amnesia. I guess he got over the game's scariness, because now he wasn't screaming anymore. However, in the middle of the game I heard him say to himself "This is Sparta!" although I don't know what sort of context the game would provide to justify saying that. Even just to yourself.

Eventually he got bored and started whistling. Poorly. I think he was trying to whistle the opening to William Tell, but he was horrible at changing pitches and just whistling in general, so it was a sputtering high pitched whistle that only matched the beats.

At the end of the day, the professor assigned us to make a portfolio using a white binder. We had to add our names and optional decorations to the front, back and spine. Inside the portfolio is our current work and any work we'll do afterward. I just put my name in the spine, a solid red piece of paper in the back, and this.



Purdy, innit? Amazingly, Mr. CUTEY STRONG MAKE MARKERS actually did the assignment. Go ahead and guess what his portfolio looked like. No, really. Go and guess, and try to get the specifics if you're feeling extra-psychic.

A My Little Pony character on the was on the front of the portfolio, the bottom and top saying "<HIS NAME>'S PORTFOLIO" reading like those Advice Dog knock-offs. The rage face reading "Forever Alone" on the back. Nothing on the spine.

Why won't he just accept the F preemptively and leave?
Week 10
You know what I needed today? That same exact CUTIE MARKIE SRONGIE MAKIE guy singing Disney songs all day, starting with "Make a Man Out Of You" and ending with "Beauty and the Beast". Not even the whole song, too. Just parts of it over and over. He finally ended, but not without him asking me "Do you not like me?"

I just sighed and pretended I didn't hear him. I hope we don't get stuck in the same bomb shelter.
Century 11
Hello diary. I finally found purified water. None of this irradiated kind. We'll be able to live through the night, if we aren't attacked by the mutated animals...We might make it. Oh, and also one of the Redditor dorks in my class that dropped out sent me a friend request over Facebook. I added him. Don't be surprised, I still I denied the request as hard as I could later, but I checked out his page first. His profile picture is him crouching while wearing black cat ears and paws while bizarrely looking as serious-faced as possible. The other pictures he had uploaded are him with the same outfit but posing differently, each with a stone-cold, straight face, although he did have one "unique" picture, which was him with a circular cut designed on the back of his hand. His description stated he loved 9gag.

Oh, and his description also had a link to his Deviant art page. Out of morbid curiosity, I clicked it. The earlier entries on his profile were, I am not joking, Sonic the Hedgehog recolors, mostly of Tails but more feminine and painted black. The later ones are of scantily-clad and very masculine drawings of lion men, most of which were black, with very prominent bulges. A majority of which were colored in marker. The rest were thankfully censored by Deviant Art.

If it's any reassurance to myself, it's that I now know for a fact that he's unemployed and lives with his parents, and isn't pursuing a career or taking any college classes, so he was definitely low on the priority list for the shelters.

But still, bleh.
Three days later
Horrible news, diary. The CUTER STRONGER AND MARKER, along with the other Redditor dork, are still alive. Even worse, they're in the same shelter. The Redditor dork also decided to come back to the photography class. My annoyance is going to double over the next few weeks. Thankfully I managed to talk to the professor into letting me work in the library. So I was saved another cranial aneurysm. However, those two managed to sandwich my moment of peacefulness with an insanely stupid thing at the start of the class, and an insanely stupid thing at the end. When the day started I was walking to the door, he starts nearly sprinting towards the room and bumped into me. Because I'm practically twice his size, he winds up stumbling and trips into a table. He quickly stands up, raises his hands in the air, and yells "FIRST!" while the CUTEY MARK IS STRONGER guy starts laughing. At the end of the class, I came back to turn in an assignment, and I noticed his shirt. I didn't read it at first because I thought it was some "witty" hot topic saying or something. However, I caught a glimpse of it and I got a chance to read it. Go ahead and guess what it said.

"If there's pockey, cosplay or yaoi involve, I'm in!"

My brain is imploding on itselksijknsio; wijesok

gwse3qwedz
gsde4ww we4ry6uh
Dear diary, sjnfcviksniun3 ws3orfnl.okdcx. On a side note, the two Redditor guys were acting especially spastic today. One of them starting flapping his hands while the other one kept on clapping slowly yet loudly, then the two went on with spending the rest of the day seeing which My Little Pony horse they were most like, after discussing why Aquaman is a bad superhero and asking each other if Diablo III will be like Elder Scrolls: Skyrim.
Finale
Well diary, today was the final day for my photography class. The last assignment we had was burning our images onto a CD, and making a label and cover for the disk and container. I did pretty good with mine, I took a texture of a rock and added some effects to make it look like there were glowing indents on the rock. It's kind of hard to explain, but it turned out really well.

Naturally, the Redditor dork and CUTIE MARK STRONGER guy found it necessary to top their past stupidities. They didn't do the project at all, naturally. For the first hour of class, they played Happy Wheels while constantly yelling (and I do mean yelling) "TIMMY" (from South Park).

For the next hour, they "worked" on a comic. Amazingly, it wasn't a rage comic. Nope, they stole from that awful webcomic Cyanide and Happiness instead, copying the "style" of the webcomic via tracing one character using Adobe Illustrator, then copying and pasting the picture about 12 times. The Redditor dork called me over and asked me how to change the fill color of an object. Since it was the last day, I told him I wasn't going to help him. When he asked why, I said "You two have been complete children the entire semester, and the professor might as well be your mother seeing how much he needs to remind you to stop being annoying." The woman sitting across from them started laughing, and the man next to her clapped his hands, pointed at me, and said "Thank you!" So that shut him up and I walked away.

Apparently his comic's punchline was stolen from some really lame Reddit joke where there's a patient and a doctor, and the doctor says "Knock knock", the patient says

"Who's there?",

"Interrupting doctor."

"Interrupting doctor who--"

"You have cancer."

I assumed this because they repeated the joke literally about ten times while they were making it, and one of them pointed out the AMAZING OBSERVATION that the joke wasn't entirely original. About half an hour after I told them off, they started listening to the audio diarrhea that is dubstep, then tried using the Google doodle (which was a synth piano you could play by clicking on it) to play along with the song. Both the original song and their version were to music what a lion is to a deer--a natural killer.

Finally, the class ended. The professor stood by the door and shook hands with everyone on the way out. While we shook hands, I told him I really enjoyed his class, and he said I was a creative worker, and that I was "a teacher's dream student". Because the MARKIE STRONG CUTER guy was behind me and overheard him, he had to walk up and ask "What about me?" The professor gave a painfully obvious fake smile and said "You're a very unique student," and shook his hand. While I was standing outside, I was texting a friend of mine when I noticed the Redditor's dork shirt. Go on, try to guess what it said this time. Highlight the black box below to see the answer.

"You think all furries are flammable? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED"

Yep, there goes my brain cells. As much as I enjoyed the class and the assignments I was given, these two completely destroyed most of the enjoyment. The radiation should be clearing tomorrow, so we're going to try leaving the shelter. I'll write another entry if everything goes okay...

And then everybody died.

THE END

Date of Memorial of Morons addition:

5/26/12

[Theta Zero]

Unlucky 13

A Rainbow of Stupid

Now I don't know about you, but I enjoy my intimate relationships being non-platonic and non-fictional. But for a certain somebody on this forum, they enjoy the type of relationships that can be described as "long distanced," "high maintenance," or even "not actually existing." For the sake of the people involved, I will use the aliases "Red," "Orange," "Purple," "Blue," "Green," and "Handsome." Also I may or may not take the private messages I will probably receive from them for posting this and archive them in another post.

Anyways I'm "Handsome," just telling you now.

One day Handsome was enjoying his time playing the video game Team Fortress 2 in his spare time with a few of his online buddies, when one of his friends, Green, announced he was in a relationship. "With who?" asked Handsome.

"Well," Green said, "With Red!"

Handsome was confused. "Wait, both you and Red are men. I thought you enjoyed heterosexuality, Green. Well, it's your life. But aren't you and Red living on opposite sides of the planet?"

And so began Red and Green's fictional relationship. Handsome found it mildly amusing at first, but it slowly became obnoxious and even downright creepy at times.

"Hey Green," said Handsome, "Wanna play some fun video games over the internet?"

"Sorry Handsome," said Green, "I'm with my boyfriend."

"Uh, really? Did you buy a plane ticket to his place or something," questioned Handsome.

"No, but I'm in a Skype call with him," said Green, oblivious. Handsome rolled his eyes and just played those internet video games with some other friends.

One day, however, Handsome was playing with Red in a game of Team Fortress 2. Handsome dominated Red, and so he used his character's in-game taunt. This infuriated Red, and so he vowed to make Handsome rue the day he had taunted Red in a video game. I may sound facetious here, but I'm dead serious. I never had contact with Red except for that one game, and even then I just said "Hey are you Red?" when I noticed him in the server. As far as I know, this is the only reason Red decided to "hate" me.

So Red starts bugging Green. Red starts claiming that Green enjoyed the company of Handsome more than Red. Green brushed aside Red's ramblings, but Red remained determined. At once point, Red threatened to "end" his and Green's "relationship" unless Green unfriended Handsome over Steam. Green declined, and so Red unfriended Green instead. Green confided in Handsome, and Handsome called the whole fictional relationship stupid before going back to watching TV.

Also some of this sounds like I'm joking, but no. All of this is what actually happened.

Green, distraught, fell into a bought of severe depression. Or at least faked it. I--er, I mean...Handsome really couldn't tell at the time. But Green got over it and started dating the newest man on the market: Blue. For some reason Blue found himself being sucked into this (literal) internet drama. Handsome knew Blue from before, and was beside himself in confusion and disgust when Blue decided to join the fray.

But Green soon learned to dislike Blue and broke up and got back with Red almost immediately. Green and Red then proceeded to make fun of Blue like a couple of middle school bullies for a few weeks. When they were done, the two proceeded to annoy Handsome for no reason. Red still was sore from Handsome dominating him in a video game, the worst thing you can do to a person over the internet, so Red attempted to force Green to avoid any contact with Handsome.

It was pathetic. Well, more so than usual. Green and Red would be playing in a video game, Handsome joins then, Red gets all catty and throws a few petty insults at Handsome, then leaves. Green then whines that Handsome ruined their "time together" or complains that he wished Red would stop doing it. Then Green would join Red's new server anyways. Handsome found this very amusing, so he interrupted Green and Red's time together whenever possible.

Green was torn between his fictional relationship which at the moment lasted for about two months or the actual friendship with a person he knew for about three years at the time. So Green created an alternate Steam account so he could play games with Handsome without Red knowing. Green was so paranoid that Red would find out, that he would become as jumpy as a schizophrenic on a rollercoaster whenever Red was so much as online whenever Green was on his alt account.

For poignancy, I would like to state that Green and Red have never, ever even met each other in person.

Red eventually found out about Green's alternate account. Handsome never found out how, but he was pretty sure Green just told Red like a moron. Red then "broke up" with Green and went to date a forgotten warrior, Blue. Still bitter about losing to Handsome in a videogame, Green brainwashed Blue into hating Handsome for no reason. Handsome didn't care enough to actually keep up with the whole fictional relationship, so he told Green to stop being stupid whenever he brought it up.

Then for absolutely no reason Green starts "dating" a new contender, "Purple." Nothing particularly stupid (well, more stupid than usual) happened except Green and Red got back together then broke up. Purple, in an attempt to impress Red, tried his best to show that he hated Handsome. I'm dead serious. He literally insulted me through random posts in this forum and then showed Red a link to the post to impress him. It's idiotic.

So for no reason Green and Red break up again and Red goes back to Purple. So Red starts posting some random crap about something stupid on Handsome's section of the forum, which Handsome moderated. Handsome deleted said random crap and told Red to stop, and Purple comes to the rescue and attempts to have Handsomes godly moderator powers revoked for abusing it. Handsome guffaws and the rest of the forum guffaws in unison and Handsome explains that it was nothing personal. This wasn't good enough for Purple, so he sends some PMs complaining to the forum admin. Spoiler: absolutely nothing happened.

Anyways Green and Red got back together for absolutely no reason. I'm not trying to make this complicated and I'm not confusing myself. They literally "broke up" and "reunited" this many times. Nothing particularly interesting happened this time around. Although Green and Handsome gave the popular game Minecraft a quick try to see what the fuss was all about. Handsome eventually "walks in" on Green and Red in their "private" Minecraft server and...yup. They're roleplaying with Green as the wife and Red as the husband, pretending that they're married.

So a videogame is coming out. A game which Handsome, Green, and Handsome's friend Orange have been waiting for a while. Handsome can afford it, but Orange cannot. Green tells Orange that he will be able to afford the game for both of them. Orange is skeptical at first, but Green assures Orange multiple, MULTIPLE times that he ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY CAN AFFORD IT. Orange shrugs and goes about his business.

Surprise surprise, Green suddenly can't afford it. Handsome and Orange ask Green why, and Green's response? Green had found out that Red was moving out of his parents home, and so Green was offering to let Red stay in his house. Green couldn't spend money on the game because he was saving up a plane ticket to mail to Red so he could travel to Green's house. Note: Green still lives with his mother and Red JUST turned 18 and was still in high school anyways.

Of course that never happens, but Green starts bugging Orange. Why? Well Orange was pretty good at finding information about somebody, and Green was bugging Orange to find Red's phone number and address. So Green could fly there or something and help Red. Of course Orange gives Green two birds to add to Green's flock of stupidity, and leaves.

And so Green and Red broke up, and now Red is "dating" Blue again. Nobody learned anything, gained anything, proved anything, and the only positive outcome was a fairly amusing story. Green, Blue, Red and Purple all have accounts on this forum, so I will leave it as an exercise for all of you to find out who they are. But I'll give you a hint: They have a Steam group on their channel dedicated to themselves and their fictional love where they post sweet nothings on the profile's update page. It's ran by Mr. Red and whatever poor chump is "dating" him at the time.

This may or may not have been a story to vent Handsom--I mean, my own annoyance at this whole ordeal. Also if you think I was talking about you in this story, that says more about yourself than it does about me.

FIN

Date of Memorial of Morons addition:

9/28/12

[Giroppon]

HAND SLAP

DEMOCRACY'S FAVORITE, JUSTIFIABLY-VIOLENT, AMERICAN-MADE SPORT

HEY YOU FILTHY PINKO, WHY HAVEN'T YOU PLAYED THE GREATEST GRASPER-SLAPPER SENSATION THAT'S SWEEPING THIS GLORIOUS NATION!?

Hand slap is a competitive gaming experience. One player rests his hands on the others, and the other must fake the player out or attempt to slap the other player's hands. If the player responds to a fake (a fake is any hand movement that does not move the hand 16mm from its original position and is not twisted no more than 10 degrees), the player initiating the fake gets a point.

Likewise if the player slaps the other's hands, that player gets a point and switches places with the other player. The game ends when one player has accumulated over 10 points, or 20 points in competitive play.

Competitive tournaments will be held the day after Thanksgiving in Washington D.C., with at least 200,000 flocking to the ceremony from as far as middle Asia. Me and my team will be attempting playoffs held in Oregon state university.

Discuss the skill-based and hand-hitting revolution that is Hand Slap.

[Past]

I've heard about your team. The Screeching Seagulls, right? Didn't you get disqualified last year for using brass knuckles painted flesh-colored?

[Giroppon]

I've heard about your team. The Screeching Seagulls, right? Didn't you get disqualified last year for using brass knuckles painted flesh-colored?

That was a rumor. Our opening player, "Slap Dance" has advanced carpal tunnel, which causes abundances of cartilage to build up in his knuckles. We were actually forced to lose by default when his condition was shown to be contagious.

[Probotector]

I've been interested in Hand Slap for some time, but I've never mastered how to counter the "Doubly Twisty-Backflip" fake-out. Can somebody help an amateur hand-slapper?

[Saltonara]

Ah yes, the Twice-Flip Backhander, more commonly known as the "Doubly Twisty-Backflip," for those who don't know, is an advanced Hand Slap procedure where the player, who is in the position of slapper, does two flips, backwards and forwards, while keeping his hands in the neutral position, never moving 16mm from its original position as per the rules.

The easiest way to counter this is utilizing a reverse "Jack the Ripper Chainsaw-Grasp." It's basically the original named technique but you do each step backwards. It easily counters the Twice-Flip Backhander.

[Brooklyn And Me]

screaming seagulls? oh man were gonna be fighting them if they win the playoffs in oregon. looking forward to it ;)

[Theta Zero]

Sorry but this forum is for the discussion of video games only. Sports and traditional games (board games, cards, ect) must be discussed in General Chatter.

WHAT!?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS CAPITALISM-HATING, LIBERALIST COMMIE LOCKED THIS THREAD ON

11/20/12