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runningman
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« Reply #3135 on: February 07, 2012, 09:55:57 am » |
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my friend is into serious manga/anime and mechs ("5 cm per second" and "neon genesis evangelion" kind of stuff) and i'm into fast paced action and jokes ("afro samurai" and "bobobo"). so it'll definitely be a mix between the two.
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runningman
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« Reply #3137 on: February 08, 2012, 06:29:21 pm » |
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plot written, will make changes/discuss over weekend. I would like feedback from a public audience.
Setting: Harajuku district, Tokyo, Japan (sometime in the near future)
Introductory chapter: Ai (age 10) who is obsessed with baseball, is chosen as a test subject for a new arm prosthetic by the company her father owns. Ai is the worst player in her school softball team. Promised enhanced performance in her softball abilities at the cost of her real arms (in hope of becoming professional), she reluctantly agrees. Her prosthetic arms aren’t exactly the most realistic looking arms - her school condemns her from playing for the team after her procedure, due to her advantage among the other students. Her fellow students continue to bully her for her strange looking arms, and she begins wearing sweaters to cover them up. Pent up with anger and confusion as to why her father allowed the company to do this to her, she loses control of her prosthetics and strangles her father (while they are alone in his office after she confronts him). Without true fingerprints or proof at the crime scene, Ailives on with the guilt of killing him.
Plot: Takes place 6 years later after the incident, Ai being a 3rd year in high school. Mentally unstable and depressed, Ai becomes introverted and anti-social after the incident. The prosthetics become inactive without anger fueling their actions. She slowly befriends a strange boy (Sho) who isn’t put off by her prosthetic arms. He enjoys building small androids and dreams to become an engineer or technician. Coming from a poor family, Sho’s genius for technology goes off unnoticed, as that is the only thing he excels in. Following the death of Ai’s father, her mother has problems supporting their family of two, and they move into a smaller home closer to Sho’s home. Ai’s shy personality and Sho’s awkward and outgoing personality compliment each other, and they quickly become friends. As Ai’s emotions return, she becomes frustrated at things, and Sho notices a difference (not in her personality, but in the technology in her arm). He asks Ai to see if he can work on programming the arm, and discovers the fault within the arm’s artificial intelligence. Realizing Ai’s father’s company planned this (to create some sort of human weapon) and not her father, Ai seeks to return to her hometown, and to ultimately stop the company (with the help of her newfound friend).
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Brooklyn, The Beautiful Princess
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« Reply #3138 on: February 08, 2012, 06:42:47 pm » |
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Looks good.
Oh, looks like this is going to be a manga.
I was going to rate it in terms of it being a novel or something, but this looks good for a manga. I would suggest a more gritty, realistic look than shonen, like the concept art, and Ai's backstory can do with more realism, like she getting hit by a car, disabling her arms or something.
Looks good for a manga, I would like to see more.
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Brooklyn, The Beautiful Princess
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« Reply #3139 on: February 08, 2012, 06:46:18 pm » |
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PLOT TWIST THE DAD IS THE ONE WHO HIT HER WITH THE CAR SO THAT AI WOULD BE FORCED TO USE THE PROSTHEIC ARM
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runningman
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« Reply #3140 on: February 08, 2012, 06:46:44 pm » |
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i purposely didn't want to deviate towards the freak accident route to her losing her arms. (seeing as i watched fma and read katawa)
and yes, this is going to be a plot for a manga. thank you for your input!
edit: LOL
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« Last Edit: February 08, 2012, 06:47:02 pm by runningman »
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Meower
Elder God tier or Fagthulu, the great
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Went fat once, never went back
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« Reply #3142 on: February 08, 2012, 06:50:58 pm » |
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I don't get why her father had to be such a big dick. Like it feels a terrible motivation either if done for good ("I need to help my daughter become accepted, let's strip her of her natural arms and put on an untested pair of mechanical ones!") or evil ("Darn it she's bringing me shame, I'll be sure she'll remember this by making her a walking war machine!"). It just doesn't really hold up. It feels a bit odd as a motivation, even if it's all part of the corporate bastards to step over. It's a rather odd way of killing someone at the very best.
Make it so some of these corporate guys "ACCIDENTALLY" injure Ai while trying to kill her after trying to force her father to step down from his position (¯\_(ツ)_/¯ blame it on the trucks, trucks are the cause of 90% of the deaths in japanimeland) so that her father is forced to test the untested mecha arms and one corrupt scientist decides to program them to inject Ai with some rage inducing drugs substances or something.
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runningman
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« Reply #3143 on: February 08, 2012, 06:52:43 pm » |
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yeah i was thinking on how to fix the dad's purpose on why he actually let the company do it to his own daughter. seems kind of strange, but i have to make it work somehow...
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Brooklyn, The Beautiful Princess
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« Reply #3144 on: February 08, 2012, 06:53:37 pm » |
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if the father equipped Ai with prostheic weapons, i'm sure that he is a huge asshole
or rather, that he made them in the first place
actually fuck it, make him evil, dammit
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« Last Edit: February 08, 2012, 06:56:58 pm by Brooklyn, The Cunt-Faced Bitch »
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Meower
Elder God tier or Fagthulu, the great
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« Reply #3145 on: February 08, 2012, 06:56:48 pm » |
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Yeah.
Therefore there needs to be a secondary reason.
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runningman
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« Reply #3146 on: February 08, 2012, 06:57:27 pm » |
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it could be that the whole company didn't plan this, and there's one asshole in the entire company that programmed the arm to do weird shit based on the user's emotional state. and they're not essentially weapons, they're just robot arms. (she strangled him, not blew him up)
i could actually make the father secretly hate his own daughter (CUZ HE WANTED A SON OR SOME OTHER SHITTY REASON FOR NOW) and is only nice to her in person and barely sees her due to his position at his company
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« Last Edit: February 08, 2012, 06:58:30 pm by runningman »
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Brooklyn, The Beautiful Princess
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« Reply #3147 on: February 08, 2012, 06:58:46 pm » |
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oi
oi
oi
i don't remember shonen-type manga having secondary reasons
primary objective or nothing, bitches
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Meower
Elder God tier or Fagthulu, the great
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Went fat once, never went back
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« Reply #3148 on: February 08, 2012, 06:59:16 pm » |
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Yeah but still
We're not arguing about the reason why she strangles her father, we're arguing about why the hell would you give her robotic arms if there was no need to
So the only logical steps would be illness, accidents and a handful I guess
Or her father being a Dick Dastardly asshole
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Brooklyn, The Beautiful Princess
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« Reply #3149 on: February 08, 2012, 07:01:02 pm » |
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Yeah but still
We're not arguing about the reason why she strangles her father, we're arguing about why the hell would you give her robotic arms if there was no need to
So the only logical steps would be illness, accidents and a handful I guess
Or her father being a Dick Dastardly asshole
yeah that works let's go make some naruto |
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